Hello and welcome. I don’t know yet if we’re going to be friends or even how long this relationship is going to last. It’s always apprehensive starting out on a new project and I have to admit that I’m a little bit of a perfectionist, if I can’t (or at least if I don’t think I can!) get it perfect then I won’t even bother trying. So, yep, procrastination is a wee bit of an issue at times. Which is why I’m here and not in the sink. Ssh, don’t tell.
I love stationery, especially beautiful new notebooks. I love the crispness and cleanness of the paper, I dream of what will fill their pages. Then I stash them away as I’m scared of ruining them by writing the wrong things.
Writing things down is such a commitment, isn’t it? We live in such a throwaway culture where we don’t expect our words to be taken seriously anymore: text, social media, even email. We blurt out statements in pidgin English with mashed up phonetics, mangled grammar and woeful vocabularly then we drop them into the ether and never expect them to land. Is this conversation or catharsis? Neither? We’re always surprised when we reach people and develop relationships by these means but we persist all the same.
But to write a diary, a letter, to correspond either with ourselves and our innermost thoughts or with another person even whom we’re close to is far beyond our comfort zones now. We want temporary, we want fast moving, we want transitory, we want here today and gone tomorrow. Who wants their thoughts to come back and haunt them in ten years time? We’re always seeking the future, in the belief that it’s a better sunnier future. The past is just luggage that we’d rather leave by the roadside. We don’t treasure it as much as perhaps we should. But it means that we’re doomed to repeat mistakes and that our relationships will suffer.
So here it is. I commit these words to the transitory white paper of the Internet full of fear that someone will think me an idiot (it’s a recurring theme of my life) or that someone will spot a hideous typo or grammatical error. Be nice, it’s taken a lot to get here.
See you soon.