Life is a rollercoaster, so they say. It’s comparing life with one of those traditional, perhaps even slightly old-fashioned, Big Dipper style rollercoasters with their flowing curves and wooden structures. The ups and downs. I wouldn’t mind if life could have a few more ups because sometimes there are only seems to be downs.
Oh and by the way, I don’t like rollercoasters. I have been on one. A proper one, not a scaled-back-to-be-suitable-for-children one, thank you very much. I didn’t like it. They’re very painful, my back was jarred for days, and nerve-wracking. It’s also that horrible feeling of being completely out of control, the ground being ripped away from under your feet. You go hurtling through the darkness, lost in a world of other people’s screams. I was worried I’d lose my glasses.
I can see all those comparisons in life. However there hasn’t been many of those relatively gentle climbs up but I’ve definitely seen and felt more of those pitch over the edge and goodness-knows-where-you’re-going-to-end-up moments than I ever would want to wish on anyone in an entire lifetime.
First of all, there’s the feeling of being completely out of control, after all life’s carriages don’t roll to any particular track, but it’s more than that, it’s that horrible, horrible feeling of not knowing where you’re going to end up and yet knowing for sure that’s not going to be a comfortable ride.
Life has been more like one of those modern rollercoasters that sound even more terrifying than I even dare contemplate. The ones that take you to some ridiculously high point and then drop you. Yes, drop you. There isn’t any up. There’s just that sickening plunge where you leave your stomach at the top but its contents meet you at the bottom. That’s what our life has been like.
I’d say ‘recently’ but then I realise that it’s been two years, three years of this nightmare.
It seems never-ending, we’ve lurched from one crisis to another, from one pit of despair to another. When I start to list all the things that have happened over these few years I get overwhelmed and I can’t even begin to work out how we’ve survived until now. Have you seen one of those stress scales that give life events different ratings? Well we’ve been through pretty much all the high rated ones, and a few of the lower ones for good measure as well. One after the other, no breaks, it’s been relentless.
I start to wonder whether it is never-ending. You see for the first time in all those years things were looking good. Looking up. As unbelievable as it seemed. And then it happened. Another disaster has happened and we’re only just beginning to fathom, nevermind deal, with the consequences.
I am exhausted and overwhelmed. I don’t have any more ‘feeling’ left, I am numb. I’m going to be away a bit, we’ve got to go away for a few days for this one and then I’m not really in the right place for thinking and writing and making sense.
I wonder just how much more we, I can take. But you know what they also say, you’ve just got to ride it. And once you’re strapped tight into one of those little carriages, you don’t have much choice.