My Views on (Sea)Gulls

Momentarily Cute Young Gull

I’m not even supposed to call them ‘seagulls’, which I have done quite happily all my life.  There is no such thing apparently, they don’t exist.  So I attempt to learn and stick to plain ‘gulls’.  But I definitely have decided views on them.  Not exactly views in their favour, you may have already discerned.

I don’t like them.  A few springs ago there seemed to be a breeding bonanza around here and within a couple months there were of course all the mouthy little ones sitting on roof tops swearing, yes I’m serious, actually swearing, at the passerbys.  I was not impressed.  Gulls might not have manners but I would prefer it if they could keep their children under control.  Gulls definitely swear.  They don’t have any manners.  And if their children are not swearing at random strangers then they’re busy caterwauling to their circling parents about the lack of food.  For months it wasn’t safe to pass under certain roofs in our neighbourhood.

A friend of mine actually likes them.  I think that’s a little crazy.  I see nothing likeable about these avaricious beasts.  Now I’m not susceptible to class prejudices but gulls definitely represent the lower social end of life with all its fowl traits.  As I’ve already said, they’re rude and noisy.  You definitely wouldn’t want them living next door, or worst yet, on your actual roof.  They’re aggressive too.  In fact, they make an entire neighbourhood unsafe!

Further, not only are they greedy but they’re have a predilection for junk food.  Goodness knows what they raise their children on but it can’t be healthy.  The children are all pumped up on sugar and grease and fat abusing the neighbours, ready for any chance to throw more than insults.  In fact, they’re such junk food addicts that they’ll attack people for it.  It’s not just in seaside resorts that they’ll dive in for the kill, scary little old ladies into dropping their freshly cooked chips.  And big burly blokes.

I don’t think much of pigeons either, they usually look slightly worse for wear than gulls.  A crazed look in one eye, a gammy leg preferably with a piece of wire encircled and also a taste for junk.  But they don’t make quite make so much noise about it.

The sound of gulls mewling as they wheel in the air is the sound of the seaside.  Gulls used to live there, which is why I suppose they earned the name ‘seagulls’.  When I was a child, they used to only really come inland when there was bad weather on the coast.  We were twenty miles from the sea.  You heard them and knew that it wasn’t a good day to go to the beach, regardless of what the weather was doing locally.

Now they’re here, living in our towns, all the time.  And now they don’t just mewl, they shriek and scream and swear.  Gobby little urchins.  And they’re not even that little either.  I think they represent a good case for the perils of urbanisation.

Where I grew up, there were wood pigeons.  A slightly better looking cousin to the urban blight.  I think someone had a cote.  There were at least two that we got to know.  (Or maybe there were more all using the same call sign).  The first was ‘I feel SICK’.  This was proclaimed at regular intervals in a lugubrious tone, with a heavy emphasis on the final word.  There was a second.  A variation on the first.  He was ‘I feel sleepy’.  A slightly more wearied tone uttered this announcement, with the ‘sleepy’ elongated for the appropriate effect.

Now I have a seagull.  See, I did it again.  It’s a gull!  OK.  A gull.  Which flies past my bedroom window regularly.  Usually when I’m just waking up.  He’s classy.  There is no melody in his voice, even when compared to the flat tones of the wood pigeons previously described, and his pitch is monotonous too.  But he makes a noise, a big noise.

Boogie-boogie.  Boogie-boogie.


Feeding the Pigeons (in Black and White)

18 thoughts on “My Views on (Sea)Gulls

Add yours

  1. Amen Sister! Gulls and pigeons are both just rats with wings! Last summer a gull took a half of a really delicious turkey sandwich out of my hand at the beach. That seems a lot like cannibalism to me!

    1. Yep, that’s the reason we’re not feeding chicken baby food to the blue tits too! Slightly disturbing. Nevermind the cannibalism, that was a serious crime! I think that’s a great description of the varmits, thanks for visiting. :)

  2. I had to laugh when I read this! I know exactly what you mean. Believe it or not, I’ve had a run in or two with gulls – here in MN!!! And we’re no where near an ocean!!! Good luck in your attempt to deal with them.

  3. So sorry I was absent for support in all of this! But I’ve caught up eventually.

    My problem has been solved now but I think it was only a ‘single bird’ solution – not one which could deal with flocks of gulls (or pigeons).

    They are incredibly agressive, aren’t they. Deepest sympathy!

  4. I wonder about the regional differences or effect on the flying vermin population of the world. Here in the San Francisco Bay Area of California, we have pigeons EVERYWHERE. And they’re fearless. I’ve had them walk right into my path on the sidewalks or dive right toward my car on roadways only to veer off at the last second. They’re disgusting, winged rodents and I hate them!

    Sea gulls on the other hand (never knew the “sea” part was wrong before today), are really only present around the sea (which I live only a couple miles from – so they do come around the house occasionally). I actually have fond thoughts of sea gulls from taking boat rides on the bay and the birds, fairly unabtrusively, coming trolling for food. One day I watched as a probably not vey smart man stood at the back of the ferry and held up chips (crisps – I think) high above his head to a sea gull that would gracefully glide up to his hand and take the food right out of his fingers. It was pretty amazing to watch!

    1. That’s how it used to be, gulls at the coast and pigeons the urban blight but no longer. As for the chips, I would have immediately thought of American ‘fries’ – the seagulls here will snatch those out of hands without a please or a thank you! :)

I'd love to know what you think, concrit is especially welcomed on fiction pieces. Thank you.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: