It’s something that I’ve always struggled with. Is what I do enough? Am I enough?
There’s a perfectionist streak that runs in me that demands great things from me, if not the impossible. Then you’ve got to add in my paranoid streak and you realise that I’m a rather Joseph-coat kind of person, also known as a psychological mess. Can I be enough to quieten these voices? Can I ever believe that I am enough or will I always doubt?
I promised to show you a cake that we made but I faltered, I lost confidence. Maybe it is a really bad job after all. Does the fact that it was edible mean that I pass in the my harsh school of criticism? I mean, isn’t that really what matters when it comes to cake? That you can eat it? And it was the first ever time we’d decorated a cake, like proper, all-the-works, full-scale cake decorating. Does doing your best count? I don’t know, sometimes I dare to believe, just a little bit.
So I offer up our cake to your judgement:
Oh, and the bow? No, I have no idea how I worked out how to do that either.
I didn’t take many photos because it does seem rather big-headed to vaunt one’s possible failure and also because by the time it was finally done (several crises and meltdowns later), we were rather fed up and disillusioned.
However one of my photography-obsessed friends seems to have taken a shine to it:
(I hope they don’t mind me watermarking them but I’d hate to be irresponsible and let their photos go wandering on the internet).
I’m still trying to decide too whether confidence is such a good thing after all, it does tend to land me in very large scrapes, cake-sized ones, where I have to learn an entire sector’s worth of new skills. Maybe I should go back to having no confidence. It might be less stressful.
But too late, another lesson not learnt.
I’m already committed to another cake later in the year.
I keep telling myself (and Husband who does most of the decorating work) that this one will be SIMPLE. I’m not sure if either of us believe it anymore.