Where do I start?
When I got up at ten to eight so I could be ready by half past nine only to discover that it was now, for reasons that I really can never fathom, actually TEN to NINE?
I don’t do mornings at the best of times.
I am very slow in the mornings.
To find that, for reasons that I can never really fathom, I now only had a mere half an hour to eat breakfast, shower, do my hair, get dressed and get ready was a little bit too much to ask.
And definitely a lot more than I can cope with.
I should have given up then and crawled back into bed.
And yes, feeding me is a priority. Without food, I cannot do anything. In fact, I normally wake up at half past eight, have my breakfast then go back to sleep. Without food, I don’t even have the energy to sleep!
But, somehow, unbelievably, I managed to do it.
I was frazzled.
And had to exit the house unpainted.
I don’t like going out of the house without my slap.
It doesn’t feel safe.
It’s definitely not kind to or fair on other people.
I was frazzled.
And then a half a dozen other minor things just didn’t go well.
You know, the sort of piddling trifles that really aren’t hugely important most of the time but when you’ve already had such a rotten start, they really don’t HELP.
I had to leave early, a proactive choice because I really didn’t have the energy to deal with a panic attack.
And by that point slowly crawling home on foot up a very nasty steep hill was actually preferential to staying put.
I came home.
I knew that I had a cake to make for this afternoon.
A basic, simple, straightforward cake.
(The previous one wasn’t, at all, and I will be telling you all about that another time but that cake does not belong on Bad Days, it was a surprising triumph (relatively)).
I made one exactly the same earlier in the week but plain not chocolate.
It took 45 min in the oven.
I started with just over three hours to go before I had to go out, me and the cake.
The cake, naturally, because this was already a very Bad Day, did not cook.
How can a cake choose not to cook?
I had to leave without my cake.
I was feeling so miserable by this point that I left the house in my slippers.
There was no way that I could face boots and bootlaces only to take them off five minutes later at my friends’ house.
I remembered my knitting bag.
And my mobile.
And the DVDs that I’ve been promising to lend for the last month.
But forgot my ‘handbag‘.
My handbag is also a security thing. I feel safe with my handbag.
I didn’t feel safe without it.
It was the kind of day where having my handbag with me would make all the difference.
Well, probably not, but I’d at least feel slightly better equipped to face the Bad Day.
(Maybe I should start sleeping with my handbag as some sort of Bad Day prevention device? Hmm).
(Come to think of it, I didn’t sleep well either).
It wasn’t too bad though.
There was a delectable cream sponge and profit-roles.
I like profit-roles.
Then I got the news that my external hard drive is irredeemably fudged.
I have lost my entire life.
Because, of course, my entire life is stored in data on a 500 gb hard drive.
Well, a lot of it was.
I think the Baby Photos were on it.
And all my downloaded knitting patterns.
And all of this year’s photos.
(Husband made a really cool shark biscuit the other day).
And all of the recipes that I’ve spent years writing up.
And probably a whole more ton of stuff that I have yet to desperately need and therefore miss.
I’m not bawling, not just yet.
But the Voice is trying to come back.
It’s just that I don’t like losing things.
And probably I do ‘hoard’ things, ‘useful’ things.
The kind of ‘useful’ things that probably mean that my life will go on, somehow, without them.
And husband says hoarding things ‘virtually’ is just as bad a vice.
But I just get so attached to things.
And I remember them all, just like old friends.
Each pattern or recipe or photo.
They mean something to me.
There is security in saving things, in having everything that might ever be needed.
And my blanky died.
Blankies are meant to last forever.
And I certainly wasn’t big enough to be ready to let go either.
So as I have no photos, I’ll leave you with a song.
A song that kind of describes today.
(Some of the lyrics might not be kosher, however).
Oh, and this evening I just found out that a dear old friend has passed away.
It’s been a Bad, Bad, Bad Day.
Can I go to bed now?
(So, of course, this link won’t work either).